The Merriam-Webster dictionary says that manhood is the “state of male adulthood” or the degree to which one possesses “the qualities associated with men.”[i] The Encyclopedia Britannica isn’t much help either. It says that manhood is “the qualities that are expected in a man.”[ii]
Alright, but that’s what we want to know. What qualities are distinctly male or masculine?
Is the only difference between a boy and a man the number of his age?
Are there any particular qualities we ought to teach our boys to embrace whether they seem to come naturally or not?
And should we teach our sons to be men any differently than we teach our daughters to be women?
I wonder if some of us might think that asking these questions is a waste of time. Some of us may think of manhood as a sort of innate or natural instinct that simply shows up in a boy as he gets older. Some might say, “Boys will be boys, until they are men, and this is a process that simply occurs naturally as time goes by and as opportunities arise for them to express their manhood.”
But I think others might read questions like I’ve asked above as simultaneously offensive and urgent. The state of affairs in our culture compels us to raise our guard when someone even implies that there are differences between males and females. So some (especially those under 30) may well feel a sense of fear and hostility even as I’m merely asking the question “What is manhood?”
And yet, while fear or anxiety may be a reality for some, often those same young people also seem urgently interested to learn just exactly who and what they are supposed to be. It is the pernicious nature of sin and rebellion to simultaneously undermine truth and offer nothing in return. One of the most harmful lies of our day is that you can remove the foundation without destroying the house. So many younger people in our culture are at once demanding the ability to define themselves and also desperately yearning to know who they are.
In simple and straightforward terms, I’m going to describe what the Bible says about manhood. And I’m going to urge every male to aim toward embodying the sort of qualities that the Bible distinctly attributes to men.
According to the Scriptures, manhood is distinctly selfless leadership: that is leadership (not passivity or laziness), and selfless leadership (not tyrannical or selfishly ambitious). Allow me to briefly defend and argue for this definition.
First, we learn that manhood is leadership from the order of creation. Adam was created first (Gen. 2:7), and Eve was created “from” Adam (Gen. 2:22). The New Testament says that this ordering (male-then-female) conveys something about the way in which males and females image the glory of God (1 Cor. 11:7-8).
Second, in the Genesis account, man “named” woman, and this was an act of divinely delegated authority (Gen. 2:23). In Genesis 1, think about how God named the “Day” (Gen. 1:4), “Night” (1:4), “Earth” (1:10), “Seas” (1:10), and “Heavens” (1:8); but God delegated this authority to man when Adam named the “livestock,” “birds,” “beasts” (Gen. 2:19-20), and “woman” (Gen. 2:23).
Third, the New Testament explicitly teaches us about male leadership in the marital relationship. The husband is to lead his wife and his children (Eph. 5:22-23, 6:4). The Scripture says that “wives” are to “submit to [their] own husbands,” and “fathers” are to “bring up [their children] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
Of course, “husbands” are to lead from a heart of “love” toward their wives, and they are to express that love in practical ways (Eph. 5:25-27). And “fathers” are to lead their “children” in such a way so as to refrain from “provoking” them “to [undue] anger” (Eph. 6:4).
In other words, manly leadership is selfless, for the good of those under their leadership, but there is a clear responsibility on men to lead.
This is God’s good design for manhood, but since Genesis 3, men have been prone to veer away from God’s design. Most often this shows up as sinful truancy or tyranny. If we’re honest, we men are inclined towards either living as absentee men who run away from the responsibilities of leadership, or as oppressive dictators who force our leadership onto others. Neither is an expression of biblical manhood, and it is our responsibility to war against these tendencies in ourselves and to help boys and young men to do the same.
I confess my own sense of ineptitude and personal failure to live out biblical manhood, and I’m sure many men feel the same way I do. When I look at my own life, and I measure my thoughts, words, and actions against this biblical standard, I can easily see that I do not measure up.
On many occasions, I have shirked my responsibility to lead. I have let life happen to me, I have watched my wife or my children struggle under the weight of some difficulty or another, and (at times) I have given little or no effort to take the responsibility God has placed upon me.
I think sometimes I’m afraid to lead and fail, sometimes I’m not sure what to do, and sometimes I’m just plain selfish. I don’t want that responsibility, so I let others bear it.
Brothers, this ought not be.
We will certainly fail from time to time, and there will be many regrets on the last day, but (with God’s help) we must strive to be the men God has called and designed us to be.
At the conclusion of Paul’s letter to the Corinthian church, he especially commands men to “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. [And] let all that you do be done in love” (1 Cor. 16:13-14).
May God forgive us for our failures, and may He help us in our efforts to selflessly lead those He has placed under our care. So too, may God grant us strength and courage to stand as men, so that we may even be a blessing to others around us.